Tuesday, November 30, 2010
It's often said that children raised by a loving single parent always remember that person as their strongest, most loving influence. But being a single parent can feel so tough sometimes.
You worry that you are failing as a parent; like you have to be mum and dad for your child.
As a single parent you find you have to juggle life around your child - trying to balance work life, social life, and the needs of your child can feel overwhelming and exhausting.
Single parent support
Maybe you yourself have little support and all the effort can sometimes feel like a thankless and endless task.
Perhaps as a single parent you often feel guilty that you can't spend enough time with your child or feel too exhausted to love and attend to your child in the way you feel you should.
Maybe you constantly ruminate that you never expected or wanted to 'do it all alone' but that is the way things have currently panned out - sometimes just accepting that you are a single parent can seem hard. Or maybe you reconciled to single parenthood but you just want more confidence sometimes - to feel less guilty or doubtful.
You might feel sometimes that if you lose your temper it means you 'must be a bad parent!' Yet it's vital to remember that every parent is human and that life isn't about being 'perfect' all the time. A great mum, for example, can be generally a great mum whilst sometimes losing her temper.
Beating yourself up through perfectionism
So many single parents feel they have to be perfect all the time. But the best parents are the ones who know they are 'good enough' and therefore can get on with it without beating themselves up all the time.
Remember if circumstances are harsh on you then you don't need to be harsh on you too!
Protecting yourself as a single parent
Being a confident single parent means knowing how to look after yourself and taking time out to relax sometimes so you can 'refuel' and have enough to give your child. You can only give of yourself to your child if you have enough rest, recuperation and quality attention yourself sometimes. A farmer's field won't yield a good crop unless that field has had all the sunshine and water it needs.
Being a confident parent also means being able to exert discipline sometimes without feeling guilty - to be both masculine and feminine with your child; to blend both father and mother styles into the way that you parent.
A calm mind makes things so much easier
To be a good single parent you need to be calm for a good amount of time so that you can see what is really going on rather than reacting emotionally too often.
Be a Confident Single Parent will help you appreciate your parental strengths and get you appreciating that you are human and have human needs yourself. It will encourage you to feel calm during times where you might have become unnecessarily upset with your child/children and it will give you a wonderful relaxing experience which you can repeat regularly to 're-set' your emotional level. Above all it will give you strength and hope for a positive future as a single parent.